The Plan
by Domicile
Summary: ... Instead of being happy with what I have, I’ve just been trying to get into your pants." Cam oneshot


I really do want to kiss her. I think about it all the time, both before we did the 'I have feelings for you' thing and after. I just can't. Every time I look at her and talk to her and whatever, she's just so beautiful and so soft and so out of my league even though she's technically my girlfriend. I'm just so scared she'll freak out or pull away and be like, "Yeah, definitely not gay. Let's never do this again."

As far as I know, she's never been with a girl before me. And yeah, I've never been with a girl before either, but I'm pretty damn sure its what I want. How sure could she possibly be? Its not like when I professed my love that she was jumping up and down yelling, "I was just about to say the same thing to you!" Because she wasn't. She just stood there, staring at me, blinking. I think she was confused or thought she misheard. Then she said okay. And when I asked her out, she said the same okay with the same lack of expression.

Things have changed, though. She hugs me a lot more for one. And when she spends the night, she snuggles close and buries her face in my hair. She holds my hand a lot, too. Like when we watch television or walk to school together. But she hasn't kissed me yet, either, so… I don't really know how to finish that thought. Maybe that is where the thought is supposed to end. Truth be told, its like we're still just best friends. And that's why I've concocted a plan to get into her pants.

It might sound ridiculous or sudden or something, but I want to do her and that's all there is to it. Not that I don't love her and respect her and want to spend time doing other stuff with her, but right now, I just want to get laid. Plain and simple. And I know I haven't even kissed her yet, but I think I can just cram all of that into one event.

I scroll down my contacts list on my cell until I reach her name. She picks up after two rings.

"Hey," She says with that voice of hers. I guess it would be kind of odd if she said it with someone else's voice.

"Hey," I reply with my raspiest tone. I hear some people find that sexy. "I thought you were on your way over."

"I am." She responds hastily. "What's wrong with your voice? You sick?"

I cough a couple of times and switch back to normal. "No, of course not. Why would I be sick at a time like this?"

"A time like what?"

Shit. Backtrack, backtrack. "Nothing! No time like the present is all I'm saying. See you soon." I end abruptly and close my phone.

My initial plan was to jump her in a back alley. It didn't work out though. I lost my nerve. I kind of pinned her against the wall and then just stared at her with wide eyes. And when she tried to speak, I let out what closely resembled a battle cry and ran home. Which makes this attempt number deux.

I'm going all out this time. I've got my bedroom scattered with rose petals, Cuddlefish playing low on the stereo, a box of rum-flavored truffles on the pillow, and me in a slip on my bed. I was going to wear sexy lingerie, but I don't own any and I chickened out when I went to purchase some, so slip it is. At least I'm still half naked.

As the time ticks down to her arrival, my palms start to sweat. It only takes me a few minutes to realize I'm hyperventilating. My chest isn't just rising and falling, but bulging out and collapsing back in on itself. I feel slippery and gross all over. And naked. She's on her way over and I'm naked. Shit.

I scramble across the bed ripping off my slip all the while, sending petals flying along with the truffles, which sucks because those are expensive. Only one thought rings clear in my brain: must get clothing now. In my panic, I realize the stereo is still going and I crash across my bed to shut it off, on the way getting my foot caught in my sheets. After a loud, arduous bargaining with them, I break free, shut off the stereo, and slip a t-shirt over my head when she walks in.

My throat feels dry and about ready to close up, but I manage to squeeze out, "Sam?"

And there she is with her long, curly, blond hair and her electric blue eyes. She wears an orange tank top and cargo pants.

She eyeballs my destroyed bedroom and leans into the door. "I don't even want to know what happened here." She chuckles to herself. "Screw that. What the hell happened? Seduction gone wrong?"

"Who would I be seducing?"

We stare at each other for a long second- the longest of my life. Then she shrugs.

"Hell if I know." She mutters. "I'm going to go get the popcorn started, I brought Juno. Maybe you should put some clothes on. Or not. Whatever."

She exits the room in all of her shining glory, leaving me to my second failed attempt at doing her.

**XXXXX**

I come up with a new plan at school three sexually frustrated days later. I'm in Ms. Briggs' class, cackling like a pirate, or something that cackles a lot and evilly, when the plot strikes. And its not like it's really all that brilliant or complicated, but every plan needs a good laugh before being executed.

Sam sits in front of me in this class, and I give her spine a few good jabs to let her know I require her company after class. She flicks me back to say she concurs.

After the bell rings, and I drag her off to the bathroom that nobody uses on the second floor because the Japanese teacher tends to linger there, she fixes me with a curious stare.

"What's up, cupcake?"

And there I am, frozen again. My mouth opens and closes over and over like I have a weird taste loitering on my tongue, and that really isn't attractive.

"Carly?" She says.

We are standing together in the handicap stall, and you'd think she'd be a little more suspicious, but she's more weirded out by my behavior. That's… great. That's just freaking fantastic.

I gesture back and forth between us, which is somewhat difficult because, despite being in the handicap stall, we're standing really close together. I make another go at verbal communication, but it doesn't work out and I make a strange squeaking noise instead.

"Carly?" She says again like she might get a different reaction the second time around. Talking to her shouldn't be this hard. We were best friends for like a million years before we became more. Maybe that's the problem.

"I want to-" I gesture again, a gesture that isn't connected to or could be construed as kissing, but I use it anyway.

"Want to what?" She questions with a roll of her eyes like she's finally getting somewhere with me. Now if only I was finally getting somewhere with her…

"Kiss." I finally stay straight out, pointing at her lips. I feel like a little kid when I say it, but hey, at least I said it.

"You want to kiss me?" She asks, her voice breathy and unassuming.

I nod enthusiastically. "Very much."

She glances around nervously, her hands clenching and unclenching. It's interesting to watch because Sam doesn't get nervous very often. She wears long sleeves today that she digs her nails into compulsively.

"Okay." She finally says.

"Okay?" I repeat in question form.

She nods. "Yeah. I mean, we're technically _dating_, right?" Her pitch jumps when she says dating. "So we should kiss. We've waited long enough, right?"

I bob my head. "Its true. We've waited way long."

"This is why you couldn't form words?" She questions, eyeing me. "Did you think I would say no? To you?"

I blush. "I don't know what I was thinking."

She licks her lips. "Than I guess we should-" She starts the odd gesturing.

"Yeah." I mutter.

We edge closer together on our toes like neither of us has ever kissed anyone before. But it feels new enough that it doesn't even matter. I glance from her eyes to her lips and back again, dread and excitement boiling in my stomach.

"Count of three?" She asks, her voice jumping.

I nod. "One."

"Two."

"Three."

I open my eyes, having squished them shut a few seconds earlier, and stare at Sam. Neither of us moved, and I guess one of us really needed to in order to have any kind of contact. But her eyes are still closed, so I might as well, right?

I lean forward and connect her mouth to mine, but not like a suction cup kind of thing. More like how cake melds to a fork. I watch her lashes flutter as she opens her eyes.

And then we are seriously kissing, like sucking face kissing. I don't even know how it happened. One moment, it was just this innocent, delicate thing, and then yeah. We were doing this. Her tongue is in my mouth and I'm pressed into the stall door. I have my hands wound into her hair, trying to keep up with the movement of her lips.

The bells rings and for the first time in my life I crave murder. She takes a few steps back away from me, wiping her hands, which had previously been on the outside of my thighs, on her own.

She finally faces me. "Wow." She mumbles.

I nod. "Hells yeah."

**XXXXX**

Despite the success of the first kiss and making out thing I got, we haven't really kissed since. It's only been a week. That's not bad, right? Right. For a first time lesbian relationship, that's normal, right?

THE HELL IT IS!!! Wow, I don't think I've ever felt quite this worked up over unfulfilled physical needs. So anyway, I'm back to plotting my capture of her virginity. At least, I think she's a virgin. She hasn't told me otherwise… What if she's not a virgin? And I'm just this blustering idiot who doesn't know where to put her hands or anything? Shit. This is bad. I guess it is a good thing we haven't kissed since.

"Something wrong?"

I jump when Sam's voice breaks into my eardrum. "Yeah," I mutter as my automatic response.

"Something's wrong?" She says with a lot more inflection.

I quickly regain consciousness of my person. I realize how cuddled together we are on her bed watching Seattle Beat. I realize that one of her legs is between mine and our hands are linked together. I realize that I'm extremely turned on.

"Nothing's wrong." I correct. "I just spaced out for a moment."

"I'm glad I could witness your intergalactic fun." She grins at me.

"No problem."

For someone as sexually frustrated as me, one would think I would take this opportunity, while her mother is out shopping and I have her alone in her bed, to take our relationship to a higher level. But I don't. I keep my hands to myself and try to focus on the television.

"Are you a virgin?" I blurt, just because it's still on my mind.

She pulls back from me. "What?"

"Are you a virgin?" I repeat, a little less excitedly.

"Why?" she asks.

"Why?" I widen my eyes at her. "Yes or no?"

"Maybe, are you?"

"I asked you first."

"Does that make me less deserving of knowing?"

Before I know it, we are on our feet, holding pillows, poised to begin battle at any time. We don't argue or fight much, but this is usually what it comes down to.

I raise my pillow threateningly. "Just tell me, please. Yes or no. Are you a virgin?"

"When it comes to girls, yes." She nods.

I roll my eyes. "When it comes to anybody, regardless of gender."

She nods again. "Yeah."

For some reason, that makes me smile and smile big. My whole freaking face is being stretched out by this toothy, unattractive smile, but I can't get it to go away.

She doesn't seem to notice my psychotic smile. "Are you?"

I bob my head. "You betcha."

She gives me a small, shy grin. "Good."

"Yeah."

We cuddle back up on her bed and return our attention to Seattle Beat. She takes a moment on a commercial to press her lips gently to mine. I realize that was all the contact I was really looking for.

**XXXXX**

So I finally have her alone in my room, and I'm finally getting some major face time, but she keeps stopping. And that's fine when it's for catching her breath or something, but she just stops and looks away like she can't stand to kiss me. That hurts. I can't even say how much.

"What's wrong?" I finally ask after the one hundred and seventh time of having her pull back from me.

She blinks up at me with her big blue eyes, sad. I sit back on my heels, staring down at her. She rubs her lips together and sits up, folding her arms around her legs. Somehow, the air in here just got a whole lot more anxious.

She shrugs at my question. "Nothing."

"Oh, come on. You look like I just ate the last of the Christmas ham." I grin at her, hoping to see her face light up. It doesn't.

"Carly…" She mumbles.

"What?" I demand helplessly.

She licks her lips. "I feel like we're doing something wrong." She admits honestly, glances up at me through her eyelashes.

"What could be wrong about it?" Desperation slips into my voice.

She shrugs again. "You're my best friend, Carly. And this was… just never something I was going to do with you."

I pull back tears. "Something you don't want to do?"

Her shoulders bob. "I don't know."

I walk out of the room so she won't see my cry. She can't break my heart and then comfort me.

**XXXXX**

I wasn't planning on walking to school with her after what happened on Saturday, but my feet led instead of my brain. So I'm standing outside of her house like nothing's changed and I'm okay. She called me all weekend and tried to get me to come out of the bathroom for three hours after the initial incident. But I couldn't help it. It hurt deep inside where things aren't supposed to manifest as physical pain. I cried until Spencer got me to open the door at around midnight. He held me in his arms and watched movies with me until I fell asleep.

I feel like such a drama queen because of how I acted over the weekend, but love is love. And love is pain. And love sucks your blood like a bat or a vampire or something that likes to suck blood.

Anyway, I'm standing outside of her house and I saw her peek through her bedroom curtains at me, so I can't exactly take off. I want to, though. I want to run back home to my brother. To the undying love I only get from him.

Her mom works nights, so she shuts the door softly behind herself before coming down the steps to me. She doesn't greet me or anything, just takes my hand and starts us on the road to school.

After a few minutes, I can't take the silence. "So we should speak to each other."

"You're the one who wouldn't return my phone calls." She mutters and throws me a dirty look.

"You really hurt me!" I say loudly, announcing my problems to passersby. Who don't even bother to look because this is Seattle and they don't care.

"I know." She whispers, looking around us. "And I'm sorry."

"You think sorry covers everything?" All of my thoughts are boiling up inside me like a volcano. That's me. Mt. Carly. "I tell you I'm in love with you and all you can manage is an 'okay.' I ask you to be my girlfriend and you give me that same freaking okay! And then what you said on Saturday. If you don't want to be with me, say it!"

We've stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. People do glance at us now, but only in disgust because they've got lives and we're blocking the way.

"I don't _not_ want to be with you." She says instead. "I just feel like I'm losing my best friend for things that aren't really important to me."

I roll my eyes. "Great. You'll agree to date me as long as you don't have to kiss me or fuck me or whatever."

"That's not what I'm saying!" She protests.

"Then what are you saying?"

She curls her hair behind her ear, folding her arms across her chest. She takes a step back to let people funnel through. The three feet between us feels like a football field. And I officially hate football and its beloved field.

"This feels temporary, you know? And what'll I do if you break up with me? I can't live without you in my life." She rubs her lips together. It's her replacement for crying.

"You're the one that's pushing this to end!" I exclaim. "Can you just relax and give us a chance? Stop thinking this is going to end before you've even let us begin."

She nods once. "I'll try. But no promises."

She smiles at me and all I can do to contain my glee is to push through the crowd and capture her lips. We make out on the sidewalk for like ten minutes before my brain reminds me that first period is going to start really soon.

I grin happily as we began to stroll towards school again. "We should fight in public more often. That was refreshing."

**XXXXX**

So, when I asked her to spend the night, I hadn't really been planning on taking her virginity. But if that happens, I won't be complaining. Spencer's out of town at an art convention. He actually told me to ask Sam to spend the night so I wouldn't be alone. Do I have the best older brother or what?

"This popcorn needs cheese."

Sam's brain is clearly not in the same realm as mine. We're having a _Lord of the Rings_ marathon instead of proving our love to each other. She arches off the couch and heads into the kitchen. When she returns, our popcorn has large chunks of sharp cheddar lacing through it. She cuddles back close to me and digs in. I wrinkle my nose at her meal and rethink the sex and even just kissing her.

"That's disgusting." I mutter.

She grins at me. "I think now is a good time to kiss." She puckers her lips at me. "Come on, Carly. Don't make me wait. You know how I feel about patience."

I glance at her lips, somewhat tempted despite the smell drifting up from the popcorn bowl, but I ultimately turn away. "Don't be ridiculous. You probably taste like a baby whale threw up in your throat."

"Eww…" She groans at me. "Why did you have to bring baby whales into this?"

I giggle. "When you decided to eat that and then kiss me."

And then we're wrestling because, even though we are girls, wrestling is still fun. We tumble off the couch and slam our sides hard into the floor. She laughs and she captures my wrists with her hands and sits on my legs.

She stops grinning and stares down at me all serious and focused. I watched her blue eyes become more and more black as her pupils dilate. She releases one of my wrists so she can trail her fingers down my cheek and brush hair out of my eyes.

"Are you sure you won't kiss me?"

I glance up at her and swallow hard. I don't even care about what she'll taste like anymore because she's Sam and I accept that she puts odd things in her stomach. I'm not sure I want to kiss her, though. I mean, what happens if things do move forward and we do have sex tonight? What if its not any good or it makes her rethink being with me? Maybe I don't want her virginity after all.

She leans down and presses her lips softly to mine. After a minute or so, she lifts back up and raises her eyebrows at me. "What's wrong?"

I shake my head. "I don't know."

I sit up with her falling into my lap. I wrap my arms around her and feel her heart beat in my chest. What am I doing? What am I thinking? I just don't feel like I have any answers right now. I slip away from her body and use the couch to climb to my feet. I don't want to deal with my thoughts or anything right now.

"I'm going to go to bed." I gesture at the stairs.

She nods, looking dumbstruck. "Good night." She mumbles.

"Good night."

**XXXXX**

I wake up with my blankets nearly all the way off my body and Sam sitting on the edge of my bed. She's showered and dressed and smells really, really good. Her thumbs circle each other in her lap. I glance at the clock because its weird for Sam to be up before I am, let alone dressed and ready to take on the world.

I sit up slowly. "What's up? You taking off?"

She shakes her head and then shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe. Unless you want to talk."

"About?" I prompt.

"About what's going on with you. You're really weirding me out. I don't get what's happening behind your face." She's staring at me so intently and so seriously that I can't even look away.

I shrug. "Nothing's going on with me."

"Oh, please." She rolls her eyes. "You've been acting strange for awhile, but to focus in on one incident, what was up with last night?"

"What do you mean?" My heart is pounding. I don't know why my heart is going haywire, and I don't know why I'm dodging her questions. Instinct, maybe.

"What do you mean what do I mean?"

I shrug again, just because it feels like the right response.

"Are you saying when you asked me to spend the night you weren't thinking of sleeping with me? And not in the literal sense?"

I stare into her big azure eyes and wonder how much of my scheming she's actually aware of.

"I-I don't know what I was thinking. But this, this is so much harder than it should be."

I'm not sure what I meant to say or if I got anything in my brain out at all. But I leave her on my bed as I head off for a shower. When I get back, she's not there anymore.

**XXXXX**

I don't speak with Sam until the morning of the following Monday. We have the first lunch wave, so I decided to hang out in the courtyard. She shows up soon after, locking Freddie inside the building with a flip of her middle finger so we can be alone.

I start the conversation, even though she's the one who came after me. "I realized what an idiot I've been."

She bobs her head and takes a seat across from me. "How so?"

I take a deep breath because I feel like I have a long answer coming. "This whole time I've been focusing on all the wrong things, you know? Instead of being happy with what I have, I've just been trying to get into your pants." Okay, not as long as I thought it would be.

Her eyes bulge slightly, but she grins at me. "What?"

I smile slyly. "It's a long story."

"Right." She nods.

So I launch into explanation anyway. "It just hit me that I didn't need to be screwing you or anything to be happy. I was happy just spending time with you. Hell, I was happy just knowing you were willing to spend time with me." I bite my lip because these kinds of moments never feel like they're actually happening.

"Of course I am."

I nod and roll my eyes at the same time like she isn't getting my point. "I guess what I'm trying to say is if you want to go back to being just friends, that's fine with me."

There's a long pause on her side. "Do you want to go back?"

"Not especially." However, my response is immediate.

"Well neither do I."

I look up at her, somewhat startled. "What?"

"I was only so bland when you told me you were in love with me and asked me to be your girlfriend because I could hardly contain my excitement." She grins, grabbing my right hand with both of hers. "I want to be more than just friends. It just scared me at the same time. I can't lose you."

"You won't lose me." I pause, waiting for reality to hit. It doesn't. "You seriously want to be with me?"

"Yep."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Now, how about we go take care of this virginity problem?"

"We're at school…"

"What's your point?"

"Never mind."

"That's right, cupcake. Never mind."


End file.
